What Wonderful Timing

Man, I was hoping and praying that they would be able to let me sit for the supp paper earlier or something, cuz I was planning to go home in the last two weeks of July. I emailed the exam guy and he said that if I couldn'tsit for the supp paper in the allocated time, then I will get an F.
Seriously, don't they have defered assessments or some shit like that?
I dunno whether to be pisses or thankful...
Both maybe...
Seriously, I really feel like packing up and going somewhere, anywhere but here...nothing seems to be going on right at all...it almost seems as though all the aspects of my life is slipping away, spiralling out of control.
I like being alone, it gives you time to think, but sometimes, all your thoughts are buzzing in your head all at one go, you can't hear it clearly...
Maybe it's a good thing that my dad thinks (when i say thinks i mean imply) that i'm too stupid to drive, so he's trying to wiggle out of getting me my first car...cuz I would probably pack up and go....somewhere...anywhere but here...
where would I go I hear you ask? I dunno, around...
Honestly, I am a happy person, usually, critical yes, sacrcastic yes, have a sense of dark humour sure, but I am a happy perosn. When they say that laughter is the best medicine, it's true, no doubt about that...and you're working your abs from the inside out...
Well, looks like I'm staying down under until the end of the year... what should I do...I wanna go on another surf trip, but money's a little tight...I'm trying to save up for a deposit on a car...we'll see when we get there...
eff it...I'm off...

busy bee

alright, here's one of the few rare entries of mine. sorry for the lack of updates, i've got a personal blog and it feels kinda weird to repeat myself in 2 places and i could write different things in both sides but i would want everything there so that leaves with nothing here haha but anyway here i am now and i'll try to write more often :)

i'm back in the tiny and horribly humid sunny island! touched down yesterday and arrived home looking my ugliest (like how we all do with 3 hours of sleep a day + a paper on that very arvo + a whole lot of movies on the midnight flight heh heh) to a whole bunch of people cuz it was the day of my 'gugu's' wedding and she lives with me. i dozed off halfway through the wedding and was terribly embarrassed. i was sooo tired, i turned on my laptop when i got home and left it on my lap. while staring at the screen for it to start up, i actually fell asleep within that THREE minutes. geez.

oh and i shall not talk about my exams cuz i just feel so depressed and guilty whenever i think of my parents' expressions if i told them i'd be able to graduate only 2 years later because i failed my units and have to retake them for a semester which i'm extremely convinced i would cuz my exams totally killed me. but at the same time i'm also hoping for a miracle that maybe half the cohort would fail forcing them to scale muahahaha so for any of you reading i'll give a treat at a place you name if i pass ALL my units ok? :)

its weird but i feel even busier here than in perth with all the exams and shit. i hope it'll only last for the first 2 weeks cuz i really think i deserve to have a break and enjoy my hols and do things like.. bumm around the house from this chair to that sofa to the bed to the dinner table hehe or like.. shopping but thats financially straining considering my mom doesnt give me an allowance ever since my dad settled my everything when i went to perth and the allowance he gives me in perth is like.. enough for the time i live in perth only (i think i'm being ripped off and the damage is quite traumatizing considering my frightening expenditure every month so i shall propose a new arrangement soon) but until then the bottom line is i NEED to find a way to be able to shop and not cringe every time i take a peak at the price tag. any ideas? hehe and then theres the quest to LOSE WEIGHT while feasting on all the good food at the same time haha i need some enlightenment oh oh and i seriously am thinking of going for a brazilian but i'm scaaared :( and i need to get a new phone cuz my pretty pink precious is halfway to its grave and i'm torrnn between the iphone and the prada phone. hmm does anyone realise how random this entry is?

and to be more random, i think i need to grow up a bit. my friend was telling me her goal would be to hit the manager position by the time she was 26. i said i wanted to be able to earn my chanel 2.55 within 2 years of working. neeeeed to grow up haha. alright i'm dead beat after a brunch at a place i've never been to which is near jade's place and a farewell party for a friend whos leaving for melbourne just this evening. and a brunch date with my bestie tomorrow morning and notice its brunch not lunch which means i have to get up early!!! told ya i was busy. lots of love byebye!

effing supplementary paper

I was at home, doing my big cook off and sarah called, she said that the exam results were out...I swear to god, my heart skipped a beat, for a split second, my blood backflowed, my mouth felt as though it was stuffed with sandpaper, I thanked her and said that I would check later. She offered to check it for me, but i declined. My stomach did a flip as a tossed the veg in my pot.

Quick think think...my action plan was to finish cooking, and check the results online and then to clean the entire house (cleaning can be meditative). Good plan.

Do I really want to know the results, I do but I don't. I swear, public speaking in the nude or proposing to prince william would be soooo much easier.

After dragging out what the cook off, I had to face it. So i did, my fingers tingled as I presse the 'on' button and typed on the keyboard.
I did the weridest thing when the page was loading. I shut my eyes but peaked at the loading bar, so I ended up with a half squint thingo.

This was is. I just passed BMS101 and LAW120 I failed PEC140 and I had to do a supp paper for LAW150.

I had mixed emotions. I was glad that I passed what I had to pass but I was peeved off at the same time because I have to do a Supp paper. According to Jo, hers was gonna be on 22 July. With any luck, mine would probably be during the same time. Bugger! original plan: head home in the last two weeks of July, because my sister's concert is going to be in the last weekend.

It's frustrating- when the exams were over, I cleaned m room and organised all my papers. Happily, I filed them away. Now, thanks to that damn supp paper, I hav have to dig it out and study. Thank God it's gonna be a open book exam, but it's going to be 3 hours long.

Anyways, maybe it's a good idea that I haven't got much distraction around me. If you don't include the TV, the gym, books, drawings...then yeah, I'm all set.

Don't waste your time

I see that no one's put up anything yet...then I shall torture you with my mindless word play.
I saw a rainbow today on the train...wait..no...I was on the train, the rainbow was out there..anyways...I wonder if there is something at theother end of th rainbow. Wouldn't it be amazing if ther was? What would we find? I don't think we'll find a pot of gold... Maybe we'll find a house made of candy...that would be interesting.
I'm bored out of my wits, I just got back from work, and now, there is nothing good on...the tv networks really have to put good shows on saturdays...I'm too hyper to read something (shocker there, I'm refusing to read...)
Maybe I can ramble on and on and on and on..then I'll finally settle down and read something. I amde Tiramisu yesterday, and boy, it was a good first attempt...I bought the miniature Tia Maria, it cost me $7! After I made the Tiramisu, I realised that I had to finish it all by myself because Crystal and Nat has gone home sweet home and dear Nisha's gone to Melbourne...haha...DANG! There are other folks, but these are the ones closest in terms of proximity.
Oh I lament! Lament this awful and frustrating situation!
LOL that sounded very dramatic, think OTT (over the top) fainting :)
Ok, I think I'm settled now, I shall read...catch ya suckers later!

What's a Dream without a Struggle?

An interesteing question don't you think? What is a dream without a struggle- Let's break it down: what is a dream? what is a struggle?

According to my little handy dandy Oxford dictionary,
A dream is: 1) a series of images and feelings that occur in your mind while you are asleep. 2) A long-held ambition or ideal 3) informal A wonderful or perfect person or thing.
A struggle is: 1) make great effort to get free. 2)try hard to do something. 3) make your way with difficulty...

So a dream without a struggle is an ambition without the hard work. this leads to my next point, which is- if you DON'T struggle, you will never realise the dream or apreciate it when you finally reach the long-held ambition or ideal.

What if the struggle is really testing the limits? What is it's really pushing you over the edge? What if one more poke at the ribs will send you head first over the cliff and into the jaggered rocks and crashing waves.

This is what waiting for those bloody results feel like right now. I know they are a couple of days away, and I did what I could for the exams. What else could I possibly hope for?
Yeah, One more thing- A divine intervention!

We were watching Evan Almightly the other day (at the sleepover) and there were so many points of the movie that were really relavant. (you must be thinking, "C'mon, it's a freaking movie!" I'd say, "Movies are a reflection of life- just distorted")
The bits that struck me the most was that trials and challenges were a way that God shows us that he loves us. And when we pray for something, like peace, God doesn't give peace, he gives us the opportunity to choose peace.

I just thought that they were really good points. It brings about a sense of relief and comfort even. But with that, there is also a sense of doom. You can't help but wonder, is there any more to come? Will the big man upstairs put me through more than this?

This is the part where most people, certainly me, say, 'Just kill me already, get it over a done with!'

I am not a religious person, as compared to others. I do talk about God, but I am no saint. I do skip the rare services once in a blue moon (What's the point of going when you're gonna be tuned out?) I swear my arse off and sometimes, that actually scares me and if I want to, I can have the foulest mouth in the entire universe, saying the most hurtful things. I am no saint, but I believe that the Big man upstairs has got a plan of all of us, the contents- classified.

Sometimes I think the way he organises the universe is on a need-to-know organisation system. If you need to know, he'll tell you...no actually scratch that, he'll give you cryptic clues and you go figure.

At this point, you must be wondering why did I go from dreams and struggles to God. Well, my dear friends, I don't know, but I have a feeling they intertwine.

If only I had Super powers !?

You keep telling your self that your gonna stay strong and your gonna make it eventually but you don't know when eventually is and that breaks you..The basic essence of human existance is hope.Some times you feel so pointless with out it like nothing ever matter and you might as well just off a cliff and crumple to your death...

Then you ask yourself was it worth it have i done what i wanted to do?
Unfortunately you find your self backing away from the egde not beacuse you don't want it to end but just cause your afraid of your loved one's opinions and then you sit there and cry and wounder how easy things used to be when you we 5 when all you've ever wondered about was what's the next cartoon to watch or how caryons smelt or how to get the candy that was hidden from you...

The good old days...

But i guess that if there's no pain there's no gain and we woun't be the people we are atleast we can look back in 10 years and think about all the times you didn't quite make it and realise that it helped you grow...

Some day i know we'll all achieve greatness.. it just takes time ...
Time ,faith and hope ..

xoxo

nisha

I can't seem to grasp any sort of control over anything. Mind you, I am not one of those control-freaks, but I do like a sense of structure and discipline. There are so many fundamental factors of my life that are out of control.

I can't even begin to describe the emotional agony that I am feeling right now. Sure, most days, it's smiles and waves, air kisses here, blow kisses there. But I know that there are triggers that make me swing to the other end of the spectrum.

I hate feeling useless, I hate being on a surf board, waiting for a wave in the calm sea. To top it off, when the waves come, I panic. Because I've been waiting for so long, I forget what it's like to prop myself up and go. Then- when I miss that ride back to shore and I'm clinging for life on my board. It effing sucks.

I keep telling myself over and over again that I am WAY better off than other people. I am actually living above the poverty line, no matter how minute the margin maybe- I am still over that poverty line. And hell ya, I am thankful for it.

There are other factors that play on my mind, dancing and prancing, poking at my nerves hopeing to set off the right one, and boom!! LANDMINE

I hate feeling....I hate not being able to take whatever is bothering me, crush it up and throwing it away. It is not concrete, it is sooooo abstract, you know it's there, but you can't hold it and examine it....

I feel like I am free falling from 10,000 ft without a parachute and I am falling fast.