When all's lost...just ROCK OUT

Living easy, livin' free
Season ticket, on a one - way ride
Asking nothing, leave me be
Taking everything in my stride
Don't need reason, don't need rhyme
Ain't nothing I would rather do
Going down, party time
My friends are gonna be there too

I'm on the highway to hell
Highway to hell
I'm on the highway to hell
Highway to hell...
AC/DC- HIGHWAY TO HELL

For me, Uni was officially over by Thursday (woohoo!)

But the fight is far from over. Sometimes, I feel so tired (Don't we all)- all I want to do is jump in a car a go on a road trip, It's just you and the roads, the maps tell you where to go and you pray to God you get there. Sweet and Easy!

I'm trying to convince myself that I can make it through, but it is easier said than done. I want to study, put all my energy and effort into my units, but I look at what I have to do and I get put off by it.

I had a heart to heart with my mom just the other night. She asked me how my studies were going. I couldn't pretend anymore. I told her I was in the 'danger zone' for law. My grades are hovering at the 50% mark. Anything drastic can send me in to a comfortable pass or even a blissful credit. On the other hand, it could send me to the abyss deeper than any person can go or dare to.

The truth was there, the bare naked truth- I'M F*CKED

I don't want to waste amymore time and money, I want to progess, I want to be able independent. Right now, I'm looking at my peers and they are actually progressing, going somewhere. I don't want to be that person who's stuck- forever at that same spot.

My mom knows that I desire or lust, if you must say, for the medical field. My mom said that she spoke to Dr Lam (My pediatrician- yes I still get jabs from her)- and her advice was for me to finish my degree and when I'm done, to head to the US.

So many things went through my mind at the same time that I can't possibly write every single thought this instant. There was hope- a light at the end of the longest tunnel in my life. But realisation of reality hit me like a crack on the head. Think about finances, we aren't exactly billionaires. Think about my familiy and friends, hello! another time zone!

Truth: I am afraid, of starting something that I have no competancy to finish. I mean look! It's Med! It's not like commerce or mass comm, Med's almost like a priesthood, you learn it, live it, breathe it. Even if you had all the money in the world, there is no point if you do not have results to earn that qualification. It's called Meritocracy. I realise that I have been frustrated at myself, since the end of semester one last year. (You guys know what happened) I know I need to have the confidence, I need to find it, I need to be my gangho self again, a risk-taker- but HOW? I don't even know where to begin.

I thank God that Big Jo started this blog, this is healthy ranting. Now, I'm going to concentrate on studying for my exams. I have not given up yet, I'm looking at the rails that I am hanging on to and looking at the violent lapping waves a loooooong way down. Only when I have totally given up, will I then let go and get ready to die in shame.