What Wonderful Timing

Man, I was hoping and praying that they would be able to let me sit for the supp paper earlier or something, cuz I was planning to go home in the last two weeks of July. I emailed the exam guy and he said that if I couldn'tsit for the supp paper in the allocated time, then I will get an F.
Seriously, don't they have defered assessments or some shit like that?
I dunno whether to be pisses or thankful...
Both maybe...
Seriously, I really feel like packing up and going somewhere, anywhere but here...nothing seems to be going on right at all...it almost seems as though all the aspects of my life is slipping away, spiralling out of control.
I like being alone, it gives you time to think, but sometimes, all your thoughts are buzzing in your head all at one go, you can't hear it clearly...
Maybe it's a good thing that my dad thinks (when i say thinks i mean imply) that i'm too stupid to drive, so he's trying to wiggle out of getting me my first car...cuz I would probably pack up and go....somewhere...anywhere but here...
where would I go I hear you ask? I dunno, around...
Honestly, I am a happy person, usually, critical yes, sacrcastic yes, have a sense of dark humour sure, but I am a happy perosn. When they say that laughter is the best medicine, it's true, no doubt about that...and you're working your abs from the inside out...
Well, looks like I'm staying down under until the end of the year... what should I do...I wanna go on another surf trip, but money's a little tight...I'm trying to save up for a deposit on a car...we'll see when we get there...
eff it...I'm off...

busy bee

alright, here's one of the few rare entries of mine. sorry for the lack of updates, i've got a personal blog and it feels kinda weird to repeat myself in 2 places and i could write different things in both sides but i would want everything there so that leaves with nothing here haha but anyway here i am now and i'll try to write more often :)

i'm back in the tiny and horribly humid sunny island! touched down yesterday and arrived home looking my ugliest (like how we all do with 3 hours of sleep a day + a paper on that very arvo + a whole lot of movies on the midnight flight heh heh) to a whole bunch of people cuz it was the day of my 'gugu's' wedding and she lives with me. i dozed off halfway through the wedding and was terribly embarrassed. i was sooo tired, i turned on my laptop when i got home and left it on my lap. while staring at the screen for it to start up, i actually fell asleep within that THREE minutes. geez.

oh and i shall not talk about my exams cuz i just feel so depressed and guilty whenever i think of my parents' expressions if i told them i'd be able to graduate only 2 years later because i failed my units and have to retake them for a semester which i'm extremely convinced i would cuz my exams totally killed me. but at the same time i'm also hoping for a miracle that maybe half the cohort would fail forcing them to scale muahahaha so for any of you reading i'll give a treat at a place you name if i pass ALL my units ok? :)

its weird but i feel even busier here than in perth with all the exams and shit. i hope it'll only last for the first 2 weeks cuz i really think i deserve to have a break and enjoy my hols and do things like.. bumm around the house from this chair to that sofa to the bed to the dinner table hehe or like.. shopping but thats financially straining considering my mom doesnt give me an allowance ever since my dad settled my everything when i went to perth and the allowance he gives me in perth is like.. enough for the time i live in perth only (i think i'm being ripped off and the damage is quite traumatizing considering my frightening expenditure every month so i shall propose a new arrangement soon) but until then the bottom line is i NEED to find a way to be able to shop and not cringe every time i take a peak at the price tag. any ideas? hehe and then theres the quest to LOSE WEIGHT while feasting on all the good food at the same time haha i need some enlightenment oh oh and i seriously am thinking of going for a brazilian but i'm scaaared :( and i need to get a new phone cuz my pretty pink precious is halfway to its grave and i'm torrnn between the iphone and the prada phone. hmm does anyone realise how random this entry is?

and to be more random, i think i need to grow up a bit. my friend was telling me her goal would be to hit the manager position by the time she was 26. i said i wanted to be able to earn my chanel 2.55 within 2 years of working. neeeeed to grow up haha. alright i'm dead beat after a brunch at a place i've never been to which is near jade's place and a farewell party for a friend whos leaving for melbourne just this evening. and a brunch date with my bestie tomorrow morning and notice its brunch not lunch which means i have to get up early!!! told ya i was busy. lots of love byebye!

effing supplementary paper

I was at home, doing my big cook off and sarah called, she said that the exam results were out...I swear to god, my heart skipped a beat, for a split second, my blood backflowed, my mouth felt as though it was stuffed with sandpaper, I thanked her and said that I would check later. She offered to check it for me, but i declined. My stomach did a flip as a tossed the veg in my pot.

Quick think think...my action plan was to finish cooking, and check the results online and then to clean the entire house (cleaning can be meditative). Good plan.

Do I really want to know the results, I do but I don't. I swear, public speaking in the nude or proposing to prince william would be soooo much easier.

After dragging out what the cook off, I had to face it. So i did, my fingers tingled as I presse the 'on' button and typed on the keyboard.
I did the weridest thing when the page was loading. I shut my eyes but peaked at the loading bar, so I ended up with a half squint thingo.

This was is. I just passed BMS101 and LAW120 I failed PEC140 and I had to do a supp paper for LAW150.

I had mixed emotions. I was glad that I passed what I had to pass but I was peeved off at the same time because I have to do a Supp paper. According to Jo, hers was gonna be on 22 July. With any luck, mine would probably be during the same time. Bugger! original plan: head home in the last two weeks of July, because my sister's concert is going to be in the last weekend.

It's frustrating- when the exams were over, I cleaned m room and organised all my papers. Happily, I filed them away. Now, thanks to that damn supp paper, I hav have to dig it out and study. Thank God it's gonna be a open book exam, but it's going to be 3 hours long.

Anyways, maybe it's a good idea that I haven't got much distraction around me. If you don't include the TV, the gym, books, drawings...then yeah, I'm all set.

Don't waste your time

I see that no one's put up anything yet...then I shall torture you with my mindless word play.
I saw a rainbow today on the train...wait..no...I was on the train, the rainbow was out there..anyways...I wonder if there is something at theother end of th rainbow. Wouldn't it be amazing if ther was? What would we find? I don't think we'll find a pot of gold... Maybe we'll find a house made of candy...that would be interesting.
I'm bored out of my wits, I just got back from work, and now, there is nothing good on...the tv networks really have to put good shows on saturdays...I'm too hyper to read something (shocker there, I'm refusing to read...)
Maybe I can ramble on and on and on and on..then I'll finally settle down and read something. I amde Tiramisu yesterday, and boy, it was a good first attempt...I bought the miniature Tia Maria, it cost me $7! After I made the Tiramisu, I realised that I had to finish it all by myself because Crystal and Nat has gone home sweet home and dear Nisha's gone to Melbourne...haha...DANG! There are other folks, but these are the ones closest in terms of proximity.
Oh I lament! Lament this awful and frustrating situation!
LOL that sounded very dramatic, think OTT (over the top) fainting :)
Ok, I think I'm settled now, I shall read...catch ya suckers later!

What's a Dream without a Struggle?

An interesteing question don't you think? What is a dream without a struggle- Let's break it down: what is a dream? what is a struggle?

According to my little handy dandy Oxford dictionary,
A dream is: 1) a series of images and feelings that occur in your mind while you are asleep. 2) A long-held ambition or ideal 3) informal A wonderful or perfect person or thing.
A struggle is: 1) make great effort to get free. 2)try hard to do something. 3) make your way with difficulty...

So a dream without a struggle is an ambition without the hard work. this leads to my next point, which is- if you DON'T struggle, you will never realise the dream or apreciate it when you finally reach the long-held ambition or ideal.

What if the struggle is really testing the limits? What is it's really pushing you over the edge? What if one more poke at the ribs will send you head first over the cliff and into the jaggered rocks and crashing waves.

This is what waiting for those bloody results feel like right now. I know they are a couple of days away, and I did what I could for the exams. What else could I possibly hope for?
Yeah, One more thing- A divine intervention!

We were watching Evan Almightly the other day (at the sleepover) and there were so many points of the movie that were really relavant. (you must be thinking, "C'mon, it's a freaking movie!" I'd say, "Movies are a reflection of life- just distorted")
The bits that struck me the most was that trials and challenges were a way that God shows us that he loves us. And when we pray for something, like peace, God doesn't give peace, he gives us the opportunity to choose peace.

I just thought that they were really good points. It brings about a sense of relief and comfort even. But with that, there is also a sense of doom. You can't help but wonder, is there any more to come? Will the big man upstairs put me through more than this?

This is the part where most people, certainly me, say, 'Just kill me already, get it over a done with!'

I am not a religious person, as compared to others. I do talk about God, but I am no saint. I do skip the rare services once in a blue moon (What's the point of going when you're gonna be tuned out?) I swear my arse off and sometimes, that actually scares me and if I want to, I can have the foulest mouth in the entire universe, saying the most hurtful things. I am no saint, but I believe that the Big man upstairs has got a plan of all of us, the contents- classified.

Sometimes I think the way he organises the universe is on a need-to-know organisation system. If you need to know, he'll tell you...no actually scratch that, he'll give you cryptic clues and you go figure.

At this point, you must be wondering why did I go from dreams and struggles to God. Well, my dear friends, I don't know, but I have a feeling they intertwine.

If only I had Super powers !?

You keep telling your self that your gonna stay strong and your gonna make it eventually but you don't know when eventually is and that breaks you..The basic essence of human existance is hope.Some times you feel so pointless with out it like nothing ever matter and you might as well just off a cliff and crumple to your death...

Then you ask yourself was it worth it have i done what i wanted to do?
Unfortunately you find your self backing away from the egde not beacuse you don't want it to end but just cause your afraid of your loved one's opinions and then you sit there and cry and wounder how easy things used to be when you we 5 when all you've ever wondered about was what's the next cartoon to watch or how caryons smelt or how to get the candy that was hidden from you...

The good old days...

But i guess that if there's no pain there's no gain and we woun't be the people we are atleast we can look back in 10 years and think about all the times you didn't quite make it and realise that it helped you grow...

Some day i know we'll all achieve greatness.. it just takes time ...
Time ,faith and hope ..

xoxo

nisha

I can't seem to grasp any sort of control over anything. Mind you, I am not one of those control-freaks, but I do like a sense of structure and discipline. There are so many fundamental factors of my life that are out of control.

I can't even begin to describe the emotional agony that I am feeling right now. Sure, most days, it's smiles and waves, air kisses here, blow kisses there. But I know that there are triggers that make me swing to the other end of the spectrum.

I hate feeling useless, I hate being on a surf board, waiting for a wave in the calm sea. To top it off, when the waves come, I panic. Because I've been waiting for so long, I forget what it's like to prop myself up and go. Then- when I miss that ride back to shore and I'm clinging for life on my board. It effing sucks.

I keep telling myself over and over again that I am WAY better off than other people. I am actually living above the poverty line, no matter how minute the margin maybe- I am still over that poverty line. And hell ya, I am thankful for it.

There are other factors that play on my mind, dancing and prancing, poking at my nerves hopeing to set off the right one, and boom!! LANDMINE

I hate feeling....I hate not being able to take whatever is bothering me, crush it up and throwing it away. It is not concrete, it is sooooo abstract, you know it's there, but you can't hold it and examine it....

I feel like I am free falling from 10,000 ft without a parachute and I am falling fast.

i can't believe it. after five gruelling years of studying vet, one of the vets at my clinic has decided she didn't want to be a vet after only 6 months in practice. *bangs head on table* i mean, it's entirely her choice and i wish her every happiness in her new career in a drug rep company BUT five frickin' years.

i don't think i can ever convince myself to do something else if i manage to pull through 5 years in vet school. first of all, i would be like, "then why the heck did i spend 5 years of my life trudging in units like anatomy (which i still don't get) and 2 years fighting to get into vet school?!" second, i still don't imagine myself as the save-mankind type. third, ... who cares?! i just don't think that's ever going to happen to me.

not that i want to be a vet for the rest of my life until i turn 96 but certainly, it would be a long-term career for me. plus i'm an obstinate, stubborn as, persistent cow anyway. i see the goal, i head straight for it even if better things were to smack me in the face. i'm saying MAYBE better things. (you won't know it's "better"/"worse" until you try it)

but yeah, the least i won't do is quit vetting after 6 months in practice. for the 5 years i studied my arse off, i think 10-15 years in practice would suffice. in any case, i will still want to be a vet. end of story.

so, how is everyone doing? if i don't hear, i end up guessing. wrongly, most of the time.

LOST

I can totally understand wad you are going through Jo..haha...i'm sooo LOST...i don't know what to do...I mean I do know what to do but I don't know what to do first.

I've got to:
Clean my room
Sort all my shite
Shop
and Pampering!!!

I did some clearing up today...that was because Crystal was biting my ass and pushing me to get it done...:)
ah well...

ok, i'm being a pain in the ass here but i'm so free now i think i'm wasting away. it's the third day of holidays and i'm just still ... here. doing nothing. nothing to look forward to. no exams, no assignments, no nothing.

well, there was yesterday morning when my sister and i cleaned up the house which we had to postpone because of exams. we woke up at about 8am (! on a freakin' holiday) and started doing chores: vacuum and mop the floors, clean the toilet and bathroom, change the littertrays, tidy the kitchen and lounges, wash and put out the laundry that sort of stuff. and we were done by like 11am.

nothing else to do so we sat down to watch Kyo Kara Mao, one of my sister's anime and it turned out to be quite good.

and i finally have something to do now: min's here! time to gossip. hee!

to those who have upcoming exams, best of luck! :)

YES!

i have finished exams for semester one. that is IF i don't end up taking a supplementary paper because i failed in anatomy. or physiology. dammit! the prac paper was so hard! it was totally stupid and crazy! and ...

it doesn't matter how much i complain. it's already over and there's nothing i can do about it. *sigh*

to y'all out there who have yet to sit for exams, ALL THE VERY BEST!

love, jo

Y'all be my witness

Now the time has come
The music's between us
Though the night seems young
Is at an end
Only change will bring
You out of the darkness
In this moment everything is born again

Reach up for the sunrise
Put your hands into the big sky
You can touch the sunrise
Feel the new day enter your life...
(REACH UP FOR THE) SUNRISE- DURAN DURAN

Ok, i spoke with my dad...and i've decided....
I VOW TO DO ALL I CAN, STUDY ALL I CAN FOR THE UP AND COMING EXAMS, I SHALL STAY ON IN LAW AND WORK MY ASS OFF...IF I SHALL FAIL AGAIN, MY DAD SHALL SEND ME TO CHINA TO BE A SLAVE.

well, that was a lot to read for someone who hasn't touched the WWW for a while.

min, i'm glad this blog was an avenue for your thoughts. it's quite clear you need a lot of support to get right again. so i'll be first and give you a Boost (Juice) of moral support. your next Boost Juice original with whatever supplements you require - Confidence, Determination, VitD for healthy bone absorption etc. - is on me. girl, i have every confidence that you will make it just fine in whatever you endeavour. i know decisions are hard to make especially when it's not entirely yourself that you only have to consider. there are folks called "parents", situations called "environment" and pressures called "academic results" that weigh on our shoulders every step of the way. but that's growing up. i think the most important thing is to realise that as long as the step you take allows you to progress and satisfy yourself, go for it. learning and education never stops. no one lives forever but everyone can live it.

so, the END of june is not just around the corner yet. put that form aside and just concentrate on what you currently HAVE TO do: study for exams. forget transferring for a few days. it's not worth being distracted and everything gets partially done. if anything, you were never a half-hearted person :)

and julia, i am so challenging you to a game of BOP IT! the next time we meet. it's war, woman! war, i tell you! haha ...

anyway, here's the latest about me. i died about 2 days ago having not enough sleep then resurrected after sleeping for about 10 hours. i still had a headache but i managed through with housework that was undone over the weekend. i hate it when i know the house was not cleaned. and basically procrastinated my day away yesterday. i still have one more paper next Tue and then i'm done for vet science semester one. i survived! until my results come. shit.

oh yes, about the next sleepover. there are a couple of issues standing in the way now. my parents may be taking turns to come next week and the week after but no one has confirmed any dates with me yet. parents, they tell you to never leave it to the last minute but they do it anyway. the irony. so i might have a sleepover tue thru' wed (10-11 june) next week or wed thru' thu (18-19th) of the following week. whichever it is, i'll keep y'all posted :)

p.s. it's fondue night for sleepover ... yes! happy happy happy glee :D can't. stop. grinning. for. chocolate.

MAY DAY MAY DAY MAY DAY

I should be studying, I know, but i just can't,
My heart's pounding a million beats a minute,
I'm about to have a cardiac arrest!!
HELP!!!

I'm this close (pressing thumb and forefinder together) to transferring to Sports Science, but I can't seem to be able to fill up that damn form and hand it in (note: it's gotta be in by the last friday of june) AHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!
I guess that's a BIG problem that I have...it's not bed wetting (thank god), but being afraid, afraid to face the consequences. But I hate regret- I despise it, I hate living in the shadow of regret and hearing 'what ifs' echo in my cranial cavity....
faith? where's faith? depleted, gone, poof, nothing, nada. what faith? believe, in what? who?

I can't possibly dictate what and how i'm feeling at the moment, but the thought of venting it out on something anything...not anybody. I need someone to bounce this off. But ultimately, it is myself. I don't want to transfer and end up failing or not liking it, as they always say the grass is greener on the other side. I'm scared that it is all an illusion- tricks and trachery of my mind.

It's funny how I keep saying I don't want this I don't want that. What do I want then? I don't know. Using the words 'want' and 'I' at this frequency is making me rather uncomfortable. I feel like I'm a spoilt and selfish child of the devil. Like the whole world revolves around me. And I clearly know it is not to be.

ARGH...this is really annoying me...I just want this all to end. But I know that in order for appreciation, one must endure suffering. But this has gone way too far now, because not only I am affected, other people are as well, people like you guys, my walking ATM and everyone who reads this and going 'here she goes again'

Precious time wasted. You should be reading something better than this load of nonsensical rubbish and I should be studying for I haven't got much time left. I've got my BMS prac tomorrow.

I guess I'm a person who needs external affirmation, I need people to tell me that I am doing a great (or not so great) job. gosh, now I sound all weak...

argh..i dun give a rat's ass..

Profinity...who me?

Dread weighs on my mind,

everytime I think,

it sure isn't kind.

I stare at the walls,

trying to find the window,

where the rays fall.

The yellow rays fall,

soft and warm,

I take it all.

My shoe falls down onto the concrete,

I heard the muffled thud,

Then i thought to myself- sweet.

oh my god, like OH my god, like OH MY god...like OH MY GOD!!!

Supernatural's back on! I can't possibly say how elated I am!

:)

As far as I can say, Supernatural is the ONLY show that I am competely addicted to. If I miss an episode, I will be absolutely devestated!!!

Anyways, my weekend started on friday...

FRIDAY- 630AM

went to work, did my thing and went to study at Jo's and I am proud to say that I have finished the Cardiovascular system, both in a foetus and a neonate...woohoo...then I went back home to get ready. A few of us gathered to celebrate Lara's birthday with a surprise limo.

Kate picked flick and I up from my place. It has been awhile since I've seen them. It was like a big reunion. They had dresses on, but not me- I didn't have any of my dresses. Before we headed to chatt's house, we went on a bottle shop run...typical...

When the Limo came, it was impressive, It was white and when you went in, the insides of the hood was mirroed and lighted...it was gorgeous...

The first stop was to get Lara and her boyfriend; Sam from the Sea restaurant. The look on her face was priceless, she had the biggest grin the whole night.

We had the limo for about an hour and we drove around and to kings park to take some pictures. we had pictuerd of her on the roof!

Then- the real party begins-

The first stop: the Shed...we had a few drinks and we danced till the live gig started. I wanted to stay, but the others wanted to go.

Second stop- The Library

It was suppose to be fun! We wanted to go upstairs but when we got in and paid, we found out that the second floor was closed because there was a 21st...argh..annoying. There weren't many people. We stayed awhile- Kate had 2 tequila shots there and then.

Last Club- Paramount

We spent the most time in paramount, we went in when there weren't many people, we made the beelined for the second floor, it was empty, so we did what anyone in the right mind would do...TO THE DANCE FLOOR!

the centre podium was conquered by us! Oh yes, the DJ was hot...Flick and Kate were openly flirting with him...haha...and kate went for another 2 tequila shots. (btw, i had babysitting duty) Chatt and I were dancing and we realised that there were some blokes watching us...so we took it up a knotch...need I explain... We had a little semi-circle of bloke all watch...we knew, but what the heck... I was so busy looking out for all the other girls, making sure that they were all safe and that no sleazy rat try anything funny that I didn't realise that I was being "watched". I did eventually, that guy stood out like a sore thumb with the tightest electric blue t-shirt. I was weary, but he wasn't doing anything retarded yet..so it was all good. lyssa kinda sigalled with her eyes that he was coming closer...I felt him brush my back. I maintained a poker face and used my elbow to nudge him away. But as daft as he is, he didn't get it. I thought to myself- as long as he didn't grab my ass, i was fine. Lyssa (3 UDLs and 2 beers in) told him, "my friend doesn't like you, go away." I laughed so hard that I had to grab Kate to stablize myself (Bed idea) But other than that It was a great night, Kate disappeared for another 2 shots.

By the end of the night, Kate was off her face.

I don't think that you guys should follow in my footsteps and party before the exams.

SATURDAY 735AM

I got up after having like 4 hours sleep and went to work. I replaced Julie at my ex-boss'. It was nostalgic, famillar. I covered her shift from 10AM - 5 PM. you must be wondering why I am up that early... You see, I don't drive, so I have to take the train and take the bus and power walk 1.2 Km at least. On the train, I saw the lightning...and I thought "f*ck...how the hell am I suppose to walk?" I managed to stay relatively dry. It was fun, hanging out with my ex boss and her kids...and the power went out. Shelly was a total diva...we took the camping lamp and put it on. it took a couple of hours before the power came back on. The storm when pass up North and it drifted back for a little before petering out. I got back home tired but satisfied :)

SUNDAY 845AM

Being the most holiest person on the planet besides the pope of course, I went to mass with Nisha. I must admit, I drifted in and out when the priest was giving his homily. Once we were out of the doors, we prowled the streets for tucker! Nah, nothing that adventurous, unless you reckon the food court is a discovery. We sat there and talked about the most random things (didn't we nish) :)...

I'm ready to study now...