MAY DAY MAY DAY MAY DAY

I should be studying, I know, but i just can't,
My heart's pounding a million beats a minute,
I'm about to have a cardiac arrest!!
HELP!!!

I'm this close (pressing thumb and forefinder together) to transferring to Sports Science, but I can't seem to be able to fill up that damn form and hand it in (note: it's gotta be in by the last friday of june) AHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!
I guess that's a BIG problem that I have...it's not bed wetting (thank god), but being afraid, afraid to face the consequences. But I hate regret- I despise it, I hate living in the shadow of regret and hearing 'what ifs' echo in my cranial cavity....
faith? where's faith? depleted, gone, poof, nothing, nada. what faith? believe, in what? who?

I can't possibly dictate what and how i'm feeling at the moment, but the thought of venting it out on something anything...not anybody. I need someone to bounce this off. But ultimately, it is myself. I don't want to transfer and end up failing or not liking it, as they always say the grass is greener on the other side. I'm scared that it is all an illusion- tricks and trachery of my mind.

It's funny how I keep saying I don't want this I don't want that. What do I want then? I don't know. Using the words 'want' and 'I' at this frequency is making me rather uncomfortable. I feel like I'm a spoilt and selfish child of the devil. Like the whole world revolves around me. And I clearly know it is not to be.

ARGH...this is really annoying me...I just want this all to end. But I know that in order for appreciation, one must endure suffering. But this has gone way too far now, because not only I am affected, other people are as well, people like you guys, my walking ATM and everyone who reads this and going 'here she goes again'

Precious time wasted. You should be reading something better than this load of nonsensical rubbish and I should be studying for I haven't got much time left. I've got my BMS prac tomorrow.

I guess I'm a person who needs external affirmation, I need people to tell me that I am doing a great (or not so great) job. gosh, now I sound all weak...

argh..i dun give a rat's ass..